Fear no longer overwhelmed me, and I had fully surrendered my heart to God, but I still lacked a clear sense of purpose for me in Central Asia. Later that fall I wrote again in my journal, "Going to an unknown place in Central Asia doesn't excite me at all. Is my faith so feeble? Why is my husband so gung-ho on Central Asia and I have no desire to go there?

"Why do I hope against hope that you will open up something else for us? Is this just like Jesus going to the cross and saying, 'Take this cup from me, but not my will but yours be done?' Am I just being a Jonah? If you do want us in Central Asia, will you ever give me a vision and joy for going there?"

A month later God started to answer my prayer with a disturbing picture. My stomach contracted and my heart beat faster as in my mind's eye I saw a thin, oval, rubberlike cloud floating up from southeastern Central Asia and spreading to enshroud all of the Central Asian countries. The powerfully evil cloud was called, 'The Shadow of Death.' I shuddered and did not understand what it meant.

In my scripture reading several weeks later, the promise in Matthew 4:16 struck me with great force: "The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Those living in the land of the Shadow of Death. That was the picture God had given me! What a tremendous promise for the people of Central Asia - that they, who live under the darkness of the Shadow of Death, will see God's great light. And God was offering me the privilege of being a part of this unveiling!

Light began to dawn in my heart as I became fully convinced of God's call for me personally to Central Asia.

When England faced a new year enshrouded by World War II, King George spoke these words to his people, "I said to the man who stood at the Gate of the Year, 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied, 'Go out into the darkness, and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light, and safer than a known way.' May that Almighty Hand guide and uphold us all."

The adventure of stepping into the darkness of Central Asia was not easy for me, but God gently held my hand each step of the way. When I struggled with fear, he reminded me that I have already read the last page of my life, and can look forward to a true 'happily ever after' in heaven.

In the pain of surrender, he promised me his continual presence and rest. When I searched for vision, he showed me the hope of his light dawning over Central Asia and that I am privileged to play a part in that 'Sonrise.' God continues to hold our hands as we walk in his light here in Central Asia. As is often the case with fears, most of them were unfounded, and we live in relative peace and security.